I don't suppose I actually necessarily need you to read any of this

[Well, my coffee turned into honey, but I can explain.
But then, now I have Sunkist instead anyway, so I may not explain.
But then perhaps, perhaps to say something and not to explain,
perhaps this is an unkind thing to do to a person such as yourself.

In theory, the purpose of this blog is to work through the purpose of its existence.
Kind of like how I feel that the purpose of my life is to figure out why I'm alive.

Most of the time, I just have "ideas" running around in my head, directionlessly.
When I sit down to write, it's because some idea has come up, and feels more important, like it needs to be understood in a certain light.

In a major way, though, I've observed a certain fact of my existence:
If I do not allow myself the freedom to express any and every thought that I have,
then I'll feel unhappy, and unmotivated, and I'll never express anything.
I do truly want to say things that people will understand,
but, something in me refuses to cooperate, demands to be in charge of the whole process.

And then on the other hand,
what about other things that might keep me from expressing myself?
And is self-expression really such a big deal, that it should be worthy of devoting my every effort towards it?
I think that it sort of must be, otherwise I would never have... "lain in this grave of a body", or something like that.
But I'm alright with being pushed to the side, out of the limelight, out of focus, out of anyone's field of vision I mean. I can live over here, in this blog, if I can just sit here and figure out what I'm doing anyhow. If I can just express myself, and allow it to be seen, but not to force anyone to read it.

Maybe I can reach the end of this train of thought, and figure out what I'm doing, and why; and then maybe I'll have a good idea of how to proceed.]

I can find reasons to regret having said anything at all. To "learn from my mistakes". To change my outlook, my perspective.
And it's really all the same, if I'm just over here in the corner anyhow.
BUT—
if I allow another person into this corner, and especially if I invite them…
then it suddenly matters what I say.
And that's sort of what makes life exciting.
But it can also make life a bit overwhelming at times.