Whole thing seems foreign now

Parts still seem right.
But then, my views are always changing, aren't they.
I wish I knew something, but I'm not sure what it is that I wish that I knew.
Always just an expression of the moment, and never an expression of anything constant.
If I were constant, …

But I'm not, I don't think.


Now, it seems, I don't quite know what love is.
I know that the phrase "know what" has two w's in a row.
I know that the pronunciation of every letter ought to be spelled out in writing,
like we do for numbers. One, two, three. Ei, be, see, dee. Like that, sort of. But double-u just seems strange looking. double-ewe? Double-you, I guess.

But again, I don't know what love is.
I know what standing in the shower and writing words in the condensation is.
"ridiculous" on the curtain, because it was ridiculous to feel that way. "emily" on the window, but backwards, because you always write backwards when you're writing on glass, so that it will be readable from the outside. but then, it's a second story bathroom, and I never intended it to be read. then I also wrote backwards, "love is a part of life". I don't know. but I know how it felt then. I just don't know what love is.

then I think I could just go get a regular girlfriend. and I think, it might be nice to eat food with a pretty girl for fun. it wouldn't be like writing words in the condensation. it might be stable, I might be content. but then I thought, "two roads diverged in a wood…" and I also thought, I'd really rather just sit and wait and see if perhaps at some point she forgives me for being so tactlessly romantic, and wants to be friends, really friends, and get coffee and talk about things. and see if my envisioning was not wholly incorrect, if perhaps we could get along really well, in a really interesting and worthwhile way.